I’m not a fan of habits. At least, I’m not a fan of starting habits you don’t really want to keep. I think this is why by and large I don’t find super successful people too interesting. I sometimes feel like you can pick one, be successful, or be interesting. It doesn’t really surprise me why people choose the former.
I’ve been keeping a meditation practice. (Here we fucking go, they’re talking about meditation again). I’m a week in. The goal is not to focusmaxx or achieve things or some trivial nonsense like that. It’s mostly enlightenment. That and I would like to develop a sense of equanimity when dealing with other people.
But I won’t drop this habit. I’m sure of it. I genuinely enjoy meditating. It’s nice. The way I keep ‘habits’ like this is by making it super easy for myself. I don’t commit to any contrived length of time. If I only want to meditate for five minutes I’ll do it for five minutes. I’m not going to get mad at myself. It’s just not in my nature.
Because I make shit easy for myself I tend to get ahead of 99% of people on most things that are important to me. You might like to sit for hours at a time when you meditate. How come I’m still doing it though, yet you quit? Hmm? HEHEHEHEee
With that said, the goal is to develop a bit of willpower. Even easy things can be hard sometimes. That’s modern life. You have all the resources but none of the dopamine. You have so many things that are even easier than easy, so naturally you will opt for the easiest. But that’s a great way to fuck your whole life up.
There’s a natural paradox to life, whether it be self development, mastery, skill acquisition etc. You want to get to the point where things are effortless, but first you must strive. And striving looks different to everyone. Our lives are just so different. Sometimes people get ahead of others because they fell into immaculate feedback loops where they were rewarded for adaptive behaviours early on. But time reveals all. A lot of high achievers throw their whole lives away. They can’t keep going forever. A lot of them are burnouts. A lot of them take meth.
But we all get used to things. At some point you get used to being able to visit the best brothels and airport lounges and luxury resorts. You genuinely become unable to derive the same satisfaction. Going to the Marina Bay Sands feels no different than rocking up to the Hunts Hotel. Human beings really do be like that.
I’d rather cry in a Lamborghini, says the crying loser. There’s some dweeb in an orange robe eating lentils that’s happier than you and all he owns is a pair of shoes and a set of beads.
I kicked about the idea of living in the temple for a while. At some point I realized that’s just not me. Not then, not now. Maybe later. Should I continue to develop a psychological schism between the me that enjoys the marketplace of normies chasing status and money, and the me that yearns for psychological release and eternal alignment with source? No. What if I combined the two. What if I brought them into harmony? Better yet, what if I realized they were naturally harmonious all along?
How can nature get anything wrong? Wrong is just a value judgement from my brain. My brain is just an assortment of parts bolted on top of eachother from the time my great great grandparents were eating lichen off a rock jutting from the pacific ocean. How can I trust that squishy motherfucker?
That’s why meditation rocks, it lets you see that you have an intelligent quality higher than brain function. If you don’t get this, I’m not arguing with you. You will. At some point.
I enjoy writing too. Not all the time, but you better believe that right now there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing.
People are deeply flawed, aren’t they? (<—– heyyy buddy, is that a value judgement?) I got some bad news recently and everyone is asking me about it. None of your business, dickhead! These are people I like too. Barely anyone asks ‘how are you?’ They just want to feel all busybody about the drama and suck some gossip out of it. Do they genuinely care? Why do they think it’s their place to ask? Blows my mind, truly.
I’m a lot of things. I take way too many substances on a night out, I procrastinate a lot of stuff I know I should be doing, I’m irritable, foolish, impulsive, brash, childish, selfish, ignorant. But by and large I try not to bother people and get into their personal matters.
Circling back, though, there’s nothing wrong with successful people. I’m a firm member of the peasant class, I even have the card, but I don’t think there’s any virtue in being middle class, opinionated, bad at talking to women, or making mortgage payments. I don’t think successful people are bad. We need them. Your job wouldn’t exist without them. You whinge about them so much but if they didn’t exist we’d still be rubbing sticks together for fire.
A large number of our judgements are just jealousy. Why him and not me? Why them and not us? It’s the worst energy to be around. Seriously, if you’re not going to be rich, famous, or particularly good at anything, at least be pleasant. At least be charming, or polite, hell, even funny.
Anyway.
Nathan's Writing 